Cyclists in Johannesburg – A Treatise (Watch out, language is used most colourfully)

You cock-juggling assmuppets! Why the fuck must you hog the entire lane with your fat, pot-bellied mid-life-crises spandex behemoths and your tiny-penis-compensating bike which costs more than my university education!?!?!

Why the hell can’t you cock jockies use any road BUT Oxford. Do you need the whole fucking world to see how awesome you are in your bright canary yellow tights while you ride next to your mates at 20km/h?!?! Can’t you ride in a single file and save us all the ballache of having to hoot and shout at you deaf fuckers while you refuse to move aside for the big people in the cars. What the hell is wrong with you people? Are the side roads not public enough? MUST you ride in the busiest fucking street in Johannesburg, and MUST you ride 3 abreast as if you’re some sort of fucking squadron of spitfires?!?!?

I swear, the next time a flotilla of cycling cocktards force me to trail behind them at 20km/h because they’re too fucking stupid or stubborn to move aside for the CARS, WHICH BELONG ON THE FUCKING ROAD, I’m going to start a rigourous regime of driving ahead of them, stopping in front and opening the passenger door as they ride past. I don’t pay taxes for roads so you useless twats can clog it up with your fitness regime. Haven’t cyclists heard of the fucking suburbs!?!?! Go play in there for chrissakes, not on a main arterial road in Joburg.

I hate you all and I want you to die.


Written by admin in: Things Japanese |


  • Gordon

    Something else that you may wish to try is carrying an old broom with you and jabbing this firmly into their spokes, just as a Jhb taxi is approaching from the opposite direction! Cyclists on busy roads are in the same category as Indian Mynahs – DISPENSIBLE!!

    Comment | December 6, 2008
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    Comment | March 27, 2010

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